In Search of Significance – Carey's Story

By Rick Thomas

 

Carey was reared in a rural setting and worked on the farm for most of his early childhood. His parents barely got along and Carey just survived—maybe endured would be a better term. Carey’s life had little meaning or significance. He had no formal education because his parents showed little interest in him or his schooling. As an adult, Carey was moderately literate. He married young just to get out of the home.

 

Shortly thereafter Carey was introduced to Jesus Christ. He began to grow spiritually and had a sincere heart for the Lord. The church embraced Carey and encouraged him to teach and serve. That thrilled him, and soon after he had the opportunity to go to Bible school. He began to experience things he had never enjoyed before, things like a college education, a clean moral life, and a home that had a semblance of unity and love.

 

Carey thought he was becoming somebody. He sensed a great need being met in his life, a feeling of significance he had not previously known. There was meaning in life now, and Carey was feeling pretty good about himself. Carey was sure he had found the thing he was looking for. Though his thoughts and justifications were couched in “serving the Lord”, the truth was his “ministry” was giving him a false sense of worth. There was a deception under way, a self-deception. In time, his self-focused desire led to the neglect of his wife. There was steadily-increasing trouble in his home due to neglect. Unfortunately his local church was applauding his “spirituality” while never asking the hard questions about character, family and heart issues. Furthermore, as he began to sense that his wife did not reinforce his newfound identity, he became angry, manipulative, forceful and controlling.

 

Though he could never see or interpret it as such, Carey believed he needed significance. It felt good to be somebody. He loved the admiration and the compliments that came with having a reputation. The problem was, Carey’s search and craving for self-worth destroyed his home. In the end, Carey’s wife couldn’t take any more of his self-absorption and she left.

 

One of the most challenging tasks for a Christian counselor is to teach an adult how to find what he is looking for in Christ. The person does not see his need as repentance and faith in Christ; he sees his need in terms of significance, acceptance, respect, admiration, belonging, meaning, love, and dignity. He speaks continually of his problems, his concerns, his hurts, and what other people have done to him. He acts and feels as though he is a walking deficit (an empty cup) that can never be filled.

 

He does not seem to understand that his desires have no bounds. The more he craves “felt needs” (significance, love, respect, comfort, etc.), the more he will want them; the more he wants them, the more dissatisfied he will become. Jeremiah 17:9 says that we cannot even know our own hearts and truly understand what we really need. Proverbs 14:12 tells us plainly that there is a way that seems right to a person, but in the end there is death.

 

Please hear me out. To have a loving spouse is a beautiful thing. There’s certainly nothing wrong with that. To have obedient children, loving parents, and a meaningful job is wonderful. I’m not down on the goodness of these gifts. The problem comes when we search for needs like love, meaning, and significance apart from God. Because no other person or thing or experience can satisfy the eternal longing of the soul, to try to satisfy the soul apart from Christ is to try to quench one’s thirst by siphoning water from shallow, muddy puddles at the bottom of a well.

 

Do you want love? Do you desire significance? The Bible says that a person who fears (i.e., loves) God will not be “needy” (Ps. 34:9,10; 27:1-3). The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and part of wisdom is living in the awareness of God’s constant presence. Do you want love? Love God. Do you want meaning in life? Serve God.

 

God uses circumstances and relationships in life to teach us that what we really need is to be dependent on Him and Him alone. We need to learn more than what to do from reading and studying His Word; we need to spend time growing in a relationship with Christ by meditating on the Author of the Word. We need to be amazed by God rather than driven to fill secondary desires.

 

One of the dangers of not fearing God is that, rather than developing an intimate relationship with Him, we will attempt to use Him to meet secondary needs. Christianity then becomes another 12-step program that is devoid of relationship when the relationship is precisely what satisfies our deepest longings. Don’t settle for a cheap and enslaving counterfeit. Move toward God and He will move toward you. Call on Him and He will answer you. Seek Him out and He will let you find Him. Then you will begin to experience a satisfied life.