Confessions of an Imposter’s Wife

by Rick Thomas

 

An Interview with an Imposter’s Wife

 

In a sentence or two, describe your husband for me?

In a sentence, my husband has been trying to find himself, which has led to resignation to a lesser life of quiet desperation. A poetic way of saying he is miserable and discontented about his place in life, which has led, among many things, his neglecting of spousal responsibilities.

 

Where does that leave you?

This has left me in a surreal spiral searching for my own self through a myriad of surrogate husband relationships. That is a fancy way of saying, I'm not happy in my marriage or life and the things I tack-on as husband replacements are not working. I went to a bible study and learned what it meant to be a Christian, e.g., discipline, commitment, being nice, and Christian duty. So I gave them a try. Discipline was exhausting. Commitment became over-commitment. Being nice swallowed my joy. More duty led to less freedom. At the end of the day, I was weary with no hope. Now I'm trapped! Like a damsel in distress. I'm in a high tower waiting for my prince, who is off pursuing his own love affair with himself.

How do you feel now?

I feel very unlovely and at least second or third place in my husband's heart. I feel un-sought after, unloved with no hope for rescue. I'm lonely in my tower of hopelessness. It is not that my husband is not a fighter. He fights for many things. With great insight and determination, he scours the corporate landscape, devises a plan and valiantly wages war with the ever-present hope that victory is near. Please understand he is not lazy. He loves what he loves and pursues it with gusto.

 

So the problem of apathy is not across the board.
He does have the ability or capacity to lead?

The problem does not rest in his ability, for my husband is quite able. The problem is his priority. I remember when we first began dating. With great creativity and resolve, my husband set his sights on me. I was the prize! Oh, how awesome it was. There was never a problem between us. When he would leave or when we were not near, he would often say poetically, "This is not a breach, but merely an expansion of our love until we are drawn together again."

 

How are things today?

Today? He left a long time ago, in his heart, and settled for false lovers that have not brought him the satisfaction he craves. You see, I was conquered some time ago and now I am nothing more than a dusty trophy amidst all the others, only to be dragged out and bragged on when his ego needs stroking.

 

What do you want?

I want my husband to know me. I want to know that I am worth fighting for and rescuing. My adventurer turned into milquetoast. He is not on an expeditionary rescue of me. He would deny this of course, but he is an imposter. His trajectory is set. He is bouncing from one orbit to the next in search of only God knows what. His life does not touch my soul and my life is lived in quiet resignation: a life of disconnectedness from my used-to-be adventurous husband.

 

Conclusion

The preceding is the sad testimony of many Christian women in our culture today. Typically, they feel ushered into their own pursuit of self-centered desires because of their husband’s lack of desire and practice of a biblical marriage. They feel justified in this because they consider themselves victims of the all-too-real negligence of their husbands. The consequence of this seemingly changeless marriage is that they lose themselves in their career, church ministry, children, or perhaps another man. In the chaos, they fail to see that no man or activity can meet the deepest longings of the soul. Only a yearning Savior can satisfy. Unfortunately, while in the chaos and emotion of it all, it is nearly impossible to see the yearning Savior.

 

The husband is sinfully wrong in neglecting his wife. The wife, however, needs to guard her heart so she does not fall into the embrace of some pseudo husband replacement.

 

I realize to say, “Only God can satisfy” is no longer enough for these women. They have been in the trenches far too long. Their disappointment is deep. However, “Only God can satisfy” is the only right answer. May the God of all grace turn our longing hearts toward Him. If this “confession” resonates within your heart and you desire some help in rebuilding your marriage, you may contact GHCM.