Failing versus Falling Short

When hypothetical Tom walks into my office, he’s a defeated man. All the people he is close to—his wife, his children, even his employer—have told Tom his anger is a problem. He’s been making real efforts at trying to control himself, but then Tom loses it at work one day. His employer is now requiring him, as a condition to keep his job, to get professional help to finally deal with his anger.  

 

Of all the things I might eventually discuss with Tom about his anger (e.g., differentiating between righteous and unrighteous anger, identifying trigger points and their reasons why, looking for connections to depression, strategies for diffusing one’s self, understanding the process of recovery and restoration after the fact), one piece of Gospel grace I might work into the conversation is to ask Tom if he thinks he’s failing or falling short.

 

From a psychological and motivational perspective, making the distinction between failing and falling short is significant. In my counseling sessions, I often doodle ideas and concepts on a handheld dry erase board (makes it simple for clients to take a photo of once we’re done, for retention and practice). In this case, I’ll draw a horizontal line down the middle of the board. At the top on the left side, I’ll write the word, “FAIL.” Across the board on the right side, I’ll write, “FALL SHORT.”

 

Then I’ll ask Tom to think of a common example where we might use the word “fail.” Tom says, “Well, some college football team’s goal and expectation is to win the national championship. They get into the championship game, but then lose to that SEC team. That would be a fail.” So now, on my white board, under the word “FAIL” I write the word, “FINAL.” Because once the game is over, that’s the final score and there’s no coming back.

 

But then I ask the question, “In the Christian life, or in the Bible itself, is there ever a point at which, after having sinned, God says to one of His own children, “That’s it! It’s over! You’re done! You’re a failure. I’m done with you!?”

 

The closest to that idea I can think of is Jesus saying to Peter, “Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to me, strengthen your brothers” (Luke 22:31-32). We know Peter did go on to deny Jesus, and sinned in doing so. But we know too that Peter then turned around and recovered. So Peter fell short (Romans 3:23) but his faith did not fail.

 

Now, under the words, “FALL SHORT” I write the word, “RECOVERY.” Honest Christians are always in a state of recovery because we know in detailed ways how and where we’re always falling short of God’s perfect moral character.

 

On the left-hand column now, I ask Tom, “So if you failed, and that’s the final verdict, and you keep failing over and over again, what are you likely to think of yourself?” Tom says, “I suppose that makes me a failure.” I now write the word “FAILURE” under the word “FINAL.” And then I ask, “Tom, if you’re a Christian, does God ever think of you as, or ever say to you, ‘You’re nothing but a failure?’” Tom says, “Well no, I guess not. But I feel like one!”

 

I say to Tom, “No, Christ doesn’t think of or call you a failure. He’s adopted you into His family and you’re His child. You might be weak, but you can grow. Your place and identity are secure with Him. His passion for you, the intensity of His love for you manifested on the cross, is just as strong and committed to you today as it was back on the day He bled and died for you.” I now write the word, “CHILD” on the right column under the word “RECOVERY.”

 

I look at Tom one more time and ask, “If you’ve failed, and that’s the final score, and now you’re nothing but a failure, how does that make you feel?” Tom says, “Terrible! Like a loser.” Then I ask, “So as you’re walking off that field and you’re the loser, is your head up or down?” “Down,” says Tom. I agree, and now under the word “FAILURE” I add the word “SHAME.”

 

What if the coach then says to his players, “Shame on you for not winning! If you had only tried harder! You guys are a bunch of losers!” In fact, no good coach would say that. And that is certainly not Gospel motivation.

 

“Tom, what if God already knew you were going to come up short? And what if He already made provision for it? Let me remind you and encourage you with the stunning truth that God Himself in Jesus took your shame on Himself at the cross and through His resurrection secured His honor which He’s allowed you to share in.” I now write the word, “HONOR” under the word, “CHILD” and explain all those benefits that come to one who’s been adopted by God into His family.

 

At this point in my conversation with Tom, my white board looks something like this:

 

         FAIL       FALL SHORT

         FINAL        RECOVERY

         FAILURE                   CHILD

         SHAME                     HONOR

 

All of this is just another way of preaching the Gospel to one’s self.

Because Christians are always falling short of God’s glory, and we’re always getting back up again by His redeeming grace.