He's a Shape-Shifter

Tamarah and I invited some couples over for dinner this past fall. We were sitting around the table telling stories as the sun went down and the soft glow of hanging lights lit the patio. All was well until I engaged one of the men I went to school with forty years ago. I asked him if he was in one of the classes I had taken, and he said he wasn’t sure. I then said something like, “Well, I can’t remember right off if that class was during my first or second Master’s degree.”

 

Instantly, the entire group rained grief down on me for letting my pride show. You would have laughed had you been there. And no question, I deserved it and tried my best, despite the sting of exposure, to roll with it like a good sport. The thing is, though, right up until the group busted me, I wasn’t aware enough to know that pride was resting there right on the top of my heart waiting to spring into action.  

 

If getting caught with egg on my face wasn’t embarrassing enough (think wounded pride), I then spent the next couple days berating myself (pride in the form of self-pity) for letting my pride show like that. The pride was unrelenting: How could I let that happen? That was not my best self. I can be better than that.

 

There is some debate about which sin should be considered the chief sin, with some saying godlessness while others would say pride. I don’t know, but what I do know from firsthand experience is that pride is a stubborn root that, when exposed in one form will shape-shift and manifest itself in another form.  

 

What follows is a starter list of the variety of faces that pride can show itself. I’m stating many of these in an extreme way just to make the point; the challenge is to not discard it for yourself without taking the time to consider the possible nuances within the description. Keep in mind that we would NEVER say these things out loud. How uncouth! These are all self-talk expressions of pride we think within ourselves:

“I am selfishly ambitious. I really want to get ahead and make a name for myself. I need some r-e-s-p-e-c-t. I like the buzz of having a position or title or status.”

“I am overly competitive. I always want to win or come out on top, and it bothers me when I don’t.”

“I like to talk, especially about myself or persons or things I am involved with or places I’ve been. I want people to know what I am doing or thinking. I have a hard time being succinct. When I’m being quiet and letting others talk about themselves, I resent it and wish they knew about me like I know me. Maybe I’ll go post that on social.”

“I tend to be deceptive about myself. I find myself lying to preserve or inflate my reputation. I find myself hiding some truths about myself. I don’t want people to know who I really am.”

“I am often anxious about my life and the future. I can have a hard time sleeping at night because of fearful thoughts and burdens I carry. I don’t have much of a prayer life.”

“I am overly self-conscious. I tend to replay in my mind how I did that, what I said, and how I came across to others. I am concerned about my appearance and what people think of me—whether I’m in or out of shape. Styles and brands are important signals. I think about these things a lot.”

“I often feel insecure. I don’t want to try new things or step out into uncomfortable situations because I’m afraid I’ll fail or look foolish. I am easily embarrassed.”

“I am self-critical. I tend to be a perfectionist. I can’t stand for little things to be wrong because they reflect poorly on me. I have a hard time putting my mistakes behind me.”

“I feel special or superior because of what I have or do or who or what I know.”

“I think highly of myself. In relation to others, I typically see myself as more mature and more gifted. In many situations, I have more to offer than others even though I may not say so.

“I feel deserving. I think I deserve what I have. I’ve worked hard for it. Or maybe I’ve suffered more than others. In fact, I think I ought to have more considering how well I have performed or in light of all I have gone through.”

“I often feel ungrateful. Instead of thanking other people, I tend to complain about them. I grumble or fuss or whine about my life or the current state of affairs.”

“I sometimes find myself wallowing in self-pity. I am consumed with how I am treated by others. I tend to feel mistreated and hate being misunderstood. I seldom recognize or sympathize with what’s going on with others around me because I feel that I have it worse than they do.”

“I can be jealous or envious of others’ abilities, possessions, positions, accomplishments or friends. I want to be what others are or want to have what others have. I find it hard to rejoice when others are doing well.”

“I am pretty insensitive to others. I feel some people aren’t worth caring about based on how they look, what they’re wearing, how they speak, their ethnicity, or the like. I have a hard time showing compassion or extending mercy to others who don’t look and act and believe like me.

“I feel compelled to stop people when they start to share something I already know.”

“I find it hard to admit it when I don’t know something. When someone asks me something I don’t know, I will make up an answer or avoid the question rather than admit I don't know.”

“I have a hard time listening to ordinary people. I listen better to those I respect or people I am wanting to leave with a good impression. I don’t honestly listen when someone else is speaking because I am usually planning what I am going to say next.”

“I interrupt people. I don’t want to forget my very important idea, so I jump in with what I want to say. I don’t let people finish what they are saying.”

“I’m not very open to input. I tend to be unteachable and slow to change when corrected. I don’t really see correction as a positive thing. Instead, I will accuse the one correcting me, or I will dwell on their faults, or withdraw and stay angry.”

“I am easily angered and offended. I don’t like being crossed or disagreed with. I find myself thinking, ‘I can’t believe they did that to me.’ I often feel wronged. I hate to be misunderstood by others especially those I respect and desire to think highly of me.”

“I am a slanderer and gossip. I find myself either giving or receiving or seeking out negative reports about others. I am not concerned about the effect of slander or gossip on others. The things I say about people are usually true, anyway. The info just proves I was right all along.”

“I am divisive. My actions and attitudes separate people rather than unite people. My words frequently undermined the confidence and trust people have in one another. I also tend to resist or resent authority.”

“I am unaccountable. I don’t ask others to hold me responsible or to challenge my life. I will not be subordinate to anyone. I surround myself with yes-people or with those who are impressed with me or afraid of me. I think I’m too powerful for others to handle. I rarely apologize, let alone ask for forgiveness.”

What to do with all of this? If we’re still long enough to be honest with ourselves, we’ll come to the conclusion we’re a hot mess internally regardless of how we present ourselves externally. And knowing this about ourselves is the first step toward a growing freedom in Christ to deal with it all.

Because God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble.