One of My Shame Stories (part 2)

No one likes experiencing shame. Which is why we work so hard to make sure we’re perceived as being honorable (synonyms being respected, worthy, accepted). If shame is the fear, pain, or state of being regarded as unworthy of acceptance in social relationships, we can get a glimpse of how pervasive shame really is. It’s the power behind racism and ageism, the energy behind the social mob saying you’re on the wrong side of history, the motivation behind bribing school officials to get your child into the more prestigious university, the reason we’re such poor stewards of money in the way we spend it on ourselves to cover our insecurities, and the obsession with our bodies to make sure our look is something we can be proud of.

 

And that’s just the subjective, psychological aspect of shame. That’s the shame we feel. But there’s also an objective shame we don’t think much about—the shame that stands between God and us whether we feel it or not. (I’ll get to objective shame another time; for now, let me show you an example of how to work through the subjective shame we all experience to one degree or another.)

 

In chapter 7 of Luke, a man named Simon invites Jesus over for dinner. Simon is part of the upper class, perceived as being honorable in the community. Simon has a strong reputation in town, and the Bible acknowledges that by telling you his name. People even know what part of town he lives in. Simon definitely has it going on.

 

While Simon and Jesus are having dinner, a lady who everyone in town also knows, for all the wrong reasons, finds a way into Simon’s house. She too knows where Simon lives, but she’s after Jesus. And when she finally sees him, she begins to show her love for Jesus by treating him as a person of honor, the very thing skeptical Simon had not done. So what does this have to do with overcoming shame?

 

Picture a triangle, with Jesus sitting at the top and Simon and the anonymous lady sitting at the two bottom points. From Simon’s vantage point, he orients to the lady and assesses her with a negative value. With Jesus sitting there, Simon can’t say anything out loud to her. Yet it’s clear he’s giving her the evil eye in the hope that he can shame her out of his upper class looking-down-on-you house.

 

If you read the story, what follows appears to be a parable on forgiveness. And it is that. But it’s also more than that. Looking through the shame/honor lens in this text, and considering the situation from her vantage point, it’s clear that while Simon is orienting to her, she’s orienting herself not to Simon but to Jesus. I lack the words and ability right now to describe the gold mine this perspective is in overcoming so much of what is messed up in each of us.

 

By orienting herself to Jesus rather than Simon, the anonymous lady is able to bear the shame that Simon is trying to put on her. Think of the courage it took for this lady to get to where she is. She had to overcome her past stigma and the scorn of others. She also undoubtedly had to overcome her fleshly instincts which likely included an internal critic that kept telling her she shouldn’t be doing this.

 

How did she do that? She stepped forward into all of that mess by keeping her eyes on Christ. That meant resisting the urge to look over at Simon. It meant rejecting her mental arguments that were telling her she was in over her head and shouldn’t be there. It meant accepting the healing and empowering grace of Jesus’ love for her and being captivated by it. It meant believing down to the depths of her soul that Jesus’ words of blessing were true and that he was not lying.

 

It makes me wonder if she knew God’s promise to those who love him: “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Only goodness and faithful love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord as long as I live” (Psalm 23:5, CSB).  

 

Since the Christian knows her true home is the house of the Lord, a place of unending honor that our Lord bestows upon us, she can voluntarily enter Simon’s house of shame and bear it. Because the Christian knows her true honor is not a self-constructed honor of one’s own making, she can daily live in the joy of Christ’s salvation. We daily hear Jesus say to us, “Your sins are forgiven. Your faith has saved you. Go in peace.”

 

Because Jesus bore your shame on that shameful cross so you don’t have to, and now gives you his honor since you have none of your own.