Failing versus Falling Short (Part 3)

Since the last time we checked in with fictional Tom, he’s had another incident in which he lost his temper. Tom and his wife, Julie, needed to do some Christmas shopping. Even though they knew the roads would be heavily trafficked, and even though they knew the shopping district would be crowded, they had run out of shopping days.

 

Tom decided to wait at the end of a parking lot aisle to take the next spot that opened up. After forever passed, in the first parking space at the far end of the aisle, someone began backing out. Tom starting inching forward with his left blinker on in his truck. As the car backed out, it held Tom at a standstill. And out of Tom’s peripheral vision he could see another car coming from the right, perpendicular to them. Before either Tom or the car that was backing out could move forward, the car from the right drove directly into the freshly-opened parking spot.

 

Tom was livid. He and Julie had patiently waited their turn. As they pulled up to the now-filled spot, Tom lowered his driver’s window even though Julie protested. Julie had been through this kind of thing before with Tom, and she wanted no part of it. Tom wasn’t moving his truck until the driver who took that spot stepped out of his car. When he did, Tom let him have it with some choice words.

 

When I insert the two columns of possible responses (see my previous two posts) in this scenario, Tom and Julie can now either focus on and emphasize Tom’s sin or God’s grace. Tom, and possibly Julie, could either require Tom to go into a period of penance to pay for his misstep, or turn instead to a place of repentance. When I chart this on the white board in my office, it looks like this:

 

            SIN                             GRACE

            PENANCE                 REPENTANCE

 

If Tom or Julie continue in the left column and take this latest offense as Tom proving once again what a failure he is, the next step downward would be to go into a state of contempt. Meaning that Tom could go into a state of self-contempt, or Julie could go off on Tom with other-centered contempt. Why contempt? Because contempt is its own variety of punishment. Contempt assaults a person’s dignity by heaping on shame. Contempt mocks a person’s desirability and isolates one as unlovable. Contempt is an intense form of displeasure, either at one’s self or at another, that ups the flight or fight impulse. Tom, then, could stick it to himself with self-hatred, or Julie could stick it to Tom with her own hatred. Either way, Tom is going down.

 

On the left column, under the word PENANCE, I now write the word CONTEMPT.

 

In contrast to the contempt approach, Tom or Julie could look at Tom’s offense by seeing it as a falling short, acknowledging all that the offense is to both God and the other, and then asking for or granting mercy. We see God-fearing people all throughout Scripture either asking mercy for themselves, or sharing it with others who have sinned. “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin” (Ps. 51:1-2).

 

Whereas contempt works to destroy a person’s sense of value, the requesting and granting of mercy acknowledges the sin but also preserves the life of the offender. The requesting and granting of mercy, an exchange of grace, allows the weight of the offense to be felt while also giving the offender the opportunity to get back up to move forward unburdened. The double-act of recognizing the fallenness of our humanity and the affirmation of our God-given dignity captures a critical element in the Christian Gospel. To know we’re always in some way falling short keeps us humble; to know that God in Christ magnifies Himself by fully restoring His image in us produces deep joy. On the right column, under the word REPENTANCE, I now write the word MERCY.

 

Will Tom and Julie move forward in freedom from this incident after resolving it? Or will they devolve into a spin cycle of madness from which they cannot escape?

 

In the famous epic poem, Divine Comedy, Dante places Satan in the Ninth Circle of Hell. There, ice replaces what used to be water. The ice forms because Satan is described as having six wings, like the seraphim in Isaiah 6, and when he flaps them it freezes the water over. Satan is constantly beating his wings, trying to escape. But he can’t because he’s trapped in the ice. Dante gives us the impression that if Satan would stop his flapping, the ice would melt and he could escape. But to escape he would have to flap his wings which would then freeze the water again. Satan, then, is stuck at the bottom of Hell forever as he repeatedly entraps himself with his own devices.

 

And that is the madness of focusing on one’s own faults or sin (or the faults or sin of another), trying to pay for it with self-styled punishments, then going into a state of contempt when we don’t see the positive results we were hoping for.  

 

I now write the word ENSLAVED under the word CONTEMPT, and I write the word FREED under the word MERCY.    

 

My white board now looks like this:

 

  FAIL                           FALL SHORT

  FINAL                       RECOVERY

  FAILURE                   CHILD

  SHAME                     HONOR

 

            SIN                             GRACE

            PENANCE                 REPENTANCE

            CONTEMPT             MERCY

            ENSLAVED               FREED

 

In which state would you rather live?

 

Because God in Christ came to make it possible for your life, despite the sin and its effects, to be lived in growing freedom and joy.

 

Merry Christmas, everyone!