Failing versus Falling Short (Part 2)
Applying Theology to Your Psychology
Think of some aspect of your character or personality or way of life that you’d like to see changed. If life change were easy, you would have already done it. The reality is, people are complicated and personal change is hard. From sheer inertia to unhealthy motivations, from family history to personality traits, from life experiences to lack of support, with capacities for acts of tremendous generosity and beauty but also moves of deep selfishness and evil, there are many factors that work against positive change in one’s life. My focus here is to zero in on how one’s beliefs about change affect the possibility of long-term life transformation.
In last month’s post, I contrasted two ways of responding internally to when we dysregulate and sin. I used a fictional character named John who has a problem with anger. I do not mean to say that all anger is sinful. If someone you cared for were being threatened or hurt, for example, we’d fully expect you to get angry as an expression of protecting love. But when anger is expressed as criticism of or contempt for another, then that’s destructive anger.
John has destroyed people with his anger one too many times, and those closest to him have finally had enough. Under duress, John is seeking help. Part of John’s internal problem is how he views his anger and what the process of change should look like. I drew two lists on my white board, and showed John that his thinking in the left column is a downward spiral that does not lead to life and relational health. There is another, better way to think and process which I illustrate on the right column. The steps on each path, comparatively speaking, look like this:
FAIL FALL SHORT
FINAL RECOVERY
FAILURE CHILD
SHAME HONOR
To pick up from where I left off last time, I would say to hypothetical John that in contrasting the FAILING versus FALLING SHORT illustration there are two ongoing realities in a Christian’s life: our sin and God’s grace. Both realities vie for our life and are more powerful than we can control. However, the very real presence of sin and grace are not equal truths in terms of their moral weight.
The Apostle Paul is obstinately clear that God’s grace is greater than our sin (Romans 5:15-21). It’s not even close. As I go through each day, I decide to which of these two realities I’m going to give more time and significance. My sin? Or God’s grace? This is not to deny or make light of sin in my life; it’s about living out my life in the joy of God’s provision. Our spiritual forefathers would say things like, “For every look we take at our sin, we should take ten looks at Christ.”
On my white board, I leave a space under the words SHAME and HONOR to indicate that I’m going to repeat this initial list with another list that communicates the same process but in another way of saying it. I write SIN in the left column, and across from that in the right column I write the word GRACE.
If John isn’t growing in understanding and valuing God’s love for him in Christ and yet knows and feels the guilt of his having gone off on his wife, he will likely do what his flesh instinctively tells him: pay for the sin himself. We call that penance. Now, under the word SIN, I write the word PENANCE. John might try things like saying, “I’m sorry” and get busy being nicer around the house. But none of that actually softens his wife’s heart or silences John’s conscience. Why? Because with penance it’s never enough. Never enough niceness. Never enough sorrow. Never enough effort. And that leads to some very negative emotional and psychological maneuvers.
But if John is growing, however imperfectly, in understanding and internalizing God’s grace over his sin, then he will move into what the Scriptures call repentance. Paul tells Titus that, “the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. [God’s grace] teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in this present age” (Titus 2:11-12 NIV).
One has to think for a while about this and pray it into one’s soul. It’s the promise of God’s grace, not the threat of God’s justice, that moves God’s people to turn from our sin and toward our Savior. Paul echoes this when he writes that, “the kindness of God leads you to repentance” (Romans 2:4). And what is this kindness of God? His perfect substitutionary life and death on our behalf. On my white board, I now write REPENTANCE under the word GRACE.
I say to John something like, “It’s possible you’ll always struggle with anger to varying degrees. Me too. Let’s not make the goal the complete defeat of all anger in our lives. I’ll teach you skills and strategies to manage the triggers and your environment. But to the degree you believe and internalize God’s kindness to you in Christ, you will increasingly gain mastery over your temper. You won’t be “trying harder” to not be so angry; instead, your growing willingness to trust Him in difficult moments will increasingly displace your need for control. A developing gratitude of God’s forbearance of your sin and weakness will generate a growing patience for others when they don’t live up to your expectations.”
This is how Martin Luther said it: "This life, therefore, is not righteousness, but growth in righteousness, not health but healing, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it; the process is not yet finished, but it is going on. This is not the end, but it is the road; all does not yet gleam in glory, but all is being purified.”
My white board now looks like this:
FAIL FALL SHORT
FINAL RECOVERY
FAILURE CHILD
SHAME HONOR
SIN GRACE
PENANCE REPENTANCE
I have more words to add under each of these two columns, but I will save that for next month. I’ll only note that the concepts on the left side become more and more life-taking while the concepts on the right side become increasingly life-giving. On what side would you rather live?
Because while our sin is great, God’s grace is greater still.
